Still too many thoughts

I still have too many thoughts. They will just eat away at me, or else I'll forget them, but I want to keep them, so here goes.

1. I want to cultivate a new hobby: altered books. I think the simplest case will start with me getting some watercolor crayons and some of that stuff that protects text that peels off later.... specifics can wait.
2. I want to support my archive goal. I'll do this by getting a scrapbook and just putting the paper stuff in the pockets I want them in, I can do the design and art later. 
3. I want to organize my grocery receipts and figure out where it's cheapest to get groceries, and then say "screw it all" and see if I can buy local produce. Hell, I want to eat local, so I might as well figure out if I can afford it.
4. I want to get a magnet to mount on my kitchen wall so I can put my Bosu knife on it and improve my kitchen flow.
5. I want to reorganize the "office," which includes the following: mounting the mountain bike on the wall, clearing up drawer space by putting all our unused computers in one box, putting my craft stuff in the cleared space, decluttering unused electronics, making my desk a happy working environment, and preparing for the long hard winter of classes. Hopefully by reformatting the room I'll be able to accomplish more of my goals despite class.
6. I need to get printer ink and some notebooks for class, or I'll go nuts. A pencil/pen case can't kill me. I need to organize supplies to make me feel like I'm actually going to be doing something.
7. I'm giving up my paper journal and this is it, baby.
8. I need a tiny poetry/brainstorm/stray thought notebook - luckily, I already have the perfect thing.
9. I'm going to ask some new people to penpal with me. God I love getting mail.
10. I'm going to clean up my morning routine to make it conducive to plotting my progress. Maybe I'll use the idea of a "star chart," not the one for the sky but the one with stickers on a calendar, to make sure I really move toward a goal-driven life.

Okay. My thoughts are out, and I'm going to bed.

Dreams vs Default

Well, it's 2 am and I'm back to Time of our lives...? I can't sleep due to the profusion of thoughts in my head, so instead I'm recording the thoughts to afford me peace. I'm anxious because it's Thursday morning of my last real free week of the summer, and I'm looking back at what I've done and feeling like I didn't really accomplish what I set out to do. Ok, so I've never been a big goal-setter, which is part of the problem. Anyway, here's what I wanted to do:

• Set up my new apartment with style, with a place for everything, perfectly organized
• Fix up my own personal style
• Learn how to REALLY cook, with ease and flair, without measuring, with quality, healthy ingredients
• Exercise
• Scrapbook my stuff from high school and Mines
• Relax a little, read some, maybe even play my clarinet or trumpet
• Study the crap out of some physics for quals
• Finish the stuff I need to publish my paper

Here's what I actually did:

• Set up my new apartment with style, almost organized, let's just ignore the 2nd bedroom ("office" is what the intent is, but I might be changing my mind)
• Started to fix up my personal style - changed my hair, got rid of some clothes, got some new ones, figured out a better way to shop. I think I actually accomplished a lot in this arena, but there's a lot to come. Unfortunately, I can be pretty obsessive in this category, and I think I needed that obsession to really cut to the root of my style issues and desires, but I don't need to obsess like that anymore.
• Started to learn how to cook. Lots of progress is still to be made here, but luckily this isn't just a summer thing.
• Exercised quite a fair amount - at first running but when a strange injury prevented that, biking and ballet. I am thrilled with my progress here.
• I organized the stuff I want to scrapbook chronologically and purged some unnecessary junk. I still have junk to purge, and no scrapbooking has actually been done.
• Relaxed a lot. Read a ton. Watched a lot of What not to Wear (too much, in fact). Watched Teen Mom online (waste of time). Read a lot of news, a lot of blogs, probably spent too much time online. Explored Eugene a little - enough to get by. Went to an Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes concert (highlight!!!). Went camping twice in OR (awesome!). Even played my clarinet once. Joined BookMooch and Goodreads (excellent sites), which though I obsessed on for almost a whole week, I don't regret because I think they will truly stick with me.
• Studied some classical mechanics, E&M, and quantum, and worked some practice problems from past qualifiers. Still haven't studied any thermal or anywhere near enough to feel confident here. On the bright side, it's not a huge deal, I had plenty to gain but really nothing to lose. Unfortunately, I don't know if I'll reap any benefit from what studying I did, and I felt (and feel) a lot of guilt for procrastinating on this.
• Ok, so I didn't do anything related to Mines after I left it. I intend to correct this by the end of the week - I just have to, I can't leave this project unfinished.

Now, for the real conclusion: These aren't just summer things. Some of these goals are life goals, and I think I've learned from the blogs I've been reading that I need to set these goals and monitor progress on them. Unfortunately, some of my most important goals didn't make my summer cut (because I think they are "academic" or "work-related," probably). Or, perhaps, they were already wrapped up in the package called "Eugene" and didn't consciously make my list. So, with those things in mind, here are my life goals, as I see them now, not in order of importance:

• Maintain a simple, stylish dwelling that is easy to maintain, supports my goals, and is pleasurable to live in.
• Cultivate my personal style, impressing on the world how colorful, confident and beautiful I feel.
• Archive my life, preserving the important and pivotal moments in my life so that when I am gone, my children or even grandchildren can know my story, and not feel as I do that they wish I were there to answer their questions - my version of immortality.
• Exercise frequently, through running, biking, dance, and maybe yoga and weight-lifting.
• Learn more deeply about physics, and try to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
• Live a lifestyle that requires as little energy as possible to sustain, in order to minimize my carbon footprint to try and stave off the drastic worst-case scenarios of climate change.
• Find a job in line with minimizing the carbon footprint of our society.
• Promote sustainable social development in all the world, in developing as well as developed nations, that preserves cultural traditions while building economies centered around long-term prosperity rather than short-term profit.
• Read great literature, in order to better understand the history of my species' intellect.
• Enjoy the great music, movies, and literature coming from the present day, to keep in touch with the culture of the modern world.

That's about it. I'm glad I put this on paper, because it really clarifies that I am only doing physics because it's something I can do, not necessarily because I want to "be a physicist." I don't know if I want to be a scientist in a lab anymore. Maybe I do and maybe I don't. My dream since pretty much freshman year has been to learn what I need to know to go work at NREL or in a private lab making better solar cells, but I don't know if this is what the world needs. There may be more pressing, less expensive and less complicated ways to get out of the mess we're in. However, it's the least political career you can get into, and politics is so screwed up that I can't fathom trying to do something bigger. Where do I see myself in five years? How about four? As a freshman in HS, I knew what I would do: graduate, and go to college. Engineering just happened, Mines just happened, physics just happened, they weren't some kind of dream. They were a default. As a freshman at Mines, I was already declared physics. I knew I could hack it. I hacked it Magna Cum Laude, but I had a lot of support from McBride and MDT. To be honest, they ate up a lot of my time, but it was more fun than my time in physics. I thought all the time about changing majors. Then I started doing research, with the result that I knew I could hack that. I know I can do that. It's an option, I can work with Dr. Cohen and learn what I need to know to go work at NREL or with a private lab making better solar cells. That's my default, and I'll admit it's one amazing default, and I have nothing to cry about. But, somewhere inside me, I'm still wondering if I can do better. Can I leave a legacy on this planet? My body will never be under the ground, so can I leave something more tangible? Or will I choose the default path and be a name on some papers, maybe someday a professor, a memory for a new generation of physicists? Is that so bad, when it comes down to it?

Whew. That was a lot of freethought. But I think I feel better. I'm going to keep using this journal to track my goals. And I think I'll keep the title. In high school, I started this short-lived (then) blog to mock the fact that everyone thinks high school is the time of our lives. But now, it's obvious that every time we're alive is the time of our lives. And we have to keep questioning, is it living up to it? I think my answer for now is, I don't know, but what I have is actually pretty good. I'll keep trying to dream up bigger and better dreams for myself, but for now, my default plan kind of rocks... if I can hack it.

A lull in the holiday scurry

Oh boy oh boy, Saturday! It is nice not to have to worry about lots of homework... We had knowledge bowl today and our team took 3rd, w00t! and not "out of 4," as my mother sarcastically suggested, but out of 24. The other team took 16th, which is damn good for only having two people on their team.

I went to the mall, got some stuff, went to a party, it was pretty fun times. Not too many people there but *shrug.*

I am thinking, it's sad that wintertime is already here. December, it should have been cold for a long time already but November was strangely warm and so I didn't have a good transitional time frame. But yeah... I wish July would come back, that month is boss!

It's funny to watch people get drunk when you don't drink yourself. It's just more entertaining to watch drunk people dance when you're sober.

Well, it is getting late and I don't really have anything to write about. So... goodnight! Or morning!

Christmas? Give me a friggin break.

Okay guys, Christmas is coming up and you all know what that means! It's time to see one more well-intentioned holiday made into a twisted caricature of itself as Corporate America prostitutes it out. I know I can't be alone in despising the mutually exclusive dichotomy of Christmas. Christmas is meant to be about giving to one another, but the gifts we give are given without thought and without caring. The holiday is meant to be about peace, and love, and "goodwill toward men," but instead we all feel frazzled, stretched, worn down. Christmas makes me want to go throw up or something. Here's what I propose: we are going to have a Christmas-substitute that's all about peace, and love, and goodwill toward men, and our heart's desires.

My plot has been nicknamed the "Christmas boycott holiday party," though it isn't really a boycott as much as a crazy idea. I thought everyone should sit down on the floor in a big circle. Then, one by one, we go around the circle and express our deepest desire. After this everyone will get up and have a cup of tea or something and meditate on what they have said and what they have heard. Finally, everyone goes to sleep, and the following day, everyone can try to live out their deepest desire, and since we have heard each other's desires, it is much easier to try and make these a reality.

Okay, it's crazy and nobody would do it with me. But wouldn't it be interesting? Would people really be curious about what their friends and family truly desired? If everyone knew what everyone else really wanted, would people try and help these wishes come true? Even if they didn't, everyone would gain an understanding of each other that they couldn't otherwise have.

Sure, maybe my notion of Christmas is all wrong. Even so, I like my idea of the Christmas substitute. I, for one, would enjoy it much more than regular Christmas. What do you guys think?

We stretched here, we stretched there, now we may have stretched too much.

Wow... today's organ lesson was the most interesting in a while... First of all a cipher came on after our first song... problems with the Ehrzahler and the flutes... so we wrote out exactly what it was on, what notes on what stops. (This may make absolutely no sense to you... if so, too bad! Organ rox0r.) We got everything figured out and used an alternate stop for a while... but thenthe cipher disappeared all of a sudden. We used a substitution since it might be prone to coming back on again, but it didn't matter because it was gone, didn't come back for the next song either.

If anyone doesn't know what a cipher is: It's sort of like a phantom noise the organ makes even if you're not touching it... it's usually because of a trapped object or too much dust inside the pipes. A cipher can ring and ring until you turn off the cipher... or if you're not lucky, you might have to turn off all the air and wait to let whatever is inside fall out... if it doesn't go away you have to call the organ people to do an emergency tuning... but this one went away so it's probably fine. (The strings are all sharp so they're doing a tuning friday... but that's weather-related. Organs hate winter, just like me! We are the same!)

In other news... homecoming's this weekend. Very exciting. Oh what's that? I have homework? No, because it is homecoming weekend. *rolls eyes*

I'm gonna be a vampire for halloween and NOBODY CAN STOP ME... actually yes they can I suppose.... please don't verify that statement.

Special Feature: I'm going to bed now.

This is probably a boring post!

Hurrah, it is Wednesday, i.e. Wodin's day, and also, my organ lesson. I should practice in the afternoon since I haven't played in a few days... gosh darn no time for practicing! Nothing of particular interest is really happening. I haven't had homework for the last few days but didn't exactly use the free time for anything of use, like that story I was going to start that came from my dream...

The story is really still in an inchoate state, and I don't think I'm going to be able to start at the beginning... I need to do some sort of middle section first and work around it. After that, I'll be a little more comfortable with my characters and my setting and i'll start from the beginning and write the whole thing out... then I'll edit and piece it all up right and... maybe by the end of the month I'll have it ready to post for Strange seas. I'll do the same sort of update schedule as I did when I was doing Silence. Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday perhaps... we'll see what works.

But that doesn't even matter until I actually get everything hammered out.

Speaking of being productive, I need to finish these pictures on my wall... I started them with Linz a while back, just purple paint directly onto my wall... and we have never finished our project. Aaron has left graffiti on my wall, too, in the same purple paint, and when he opened the can the purple had SEPARATED.

This is how long we have been putting that project off.

So, yeah.... maybe I'll start that sometime, then. Maybe tomorrow! Well, it's off to bed for me now. Whee!

Shiny pagans!

Wow, so I washed my Honda today for the first time EVER. It is... well, mildly shiny. As I predicted, the scratches and scuffs look WAY more obvious now, but oh well. I have had it for around a year now so... figured it was time. It wasn't even properly dirty, and I really only got the top layer of dirt off as it is still sort of grungy, but ah well.

So, it is getting time to choose my graduation trip. Before I started high school, my mom made me a deal that if I could graduate with a 4.0 she would take me to Hawaii. Well, I have a 4.02 or 4.03 or something so I think it's in the bag... pretty much... the only problem is that we have been thinking about a Carribbean cruise instead of Hawaii. Both sound awesome, but I think a cruise would be... well, a nonstop party. My mom said as soon as I'm aboard I can drink (minors can on a cruise) and that she'd pay my tab! It kind of surprises me when she says things like that because it makes me realize just how much I could really get away with if I wanted to (not that I don't get away with plenty already...). Anyway, what do you guys think? A cruise would be fun all the time but Hawaii is so... classic. My mom says it is really more of a couples place, and I guess I'd have to agree on that point. I could snorkel either way so yay! Hehe.

It is a very bad sign when someone says "there was one wild woman at the party who got drunk and started dancing on the tables and flashing people" and you automatically get the dreadful idea that it was, in fact, your mother, the WOMAN WHO CARRIED YOU FOR NINE MONTHS. She has been known to do things like this in the past... but surprisingly it was not her this time! It was someone new to their group. It boggles me that my parents' parties are consistently wilder than my own. I had better tackle this problem for Halloween! Who's in? Any suggestions on people that I might invite? Help me out PLEASE. My birthday was fun but... oh come ON, it's Halloween, practically a sacred holiday in my book. Gotta love the pagans!

Seafood byproduct.... HAHAHAHAHA just say it out loud

Well, today was fun times. I worked at Fritzler's corn maze till 5. It was really slow-going there so I got paid for doing very little work indeed. It's fun, anyway... a 4 or 5 year old little boy speaking only Spanish became my besterest friend. Hehe... with my Spanish I education I managed to converse somewhat, and he knew a tad of English so that was good too. Anyway.

I played DDR for the first time in a very long while today, and I miraculously set not only a high score but THE high score! I was so happy. To celebrate, I danced some more. =D how I love to dance!

So, I was feeding my chameleon some crickets today, ho hum. I had to mix some calcium powder with herptivite (kind of like flintstones vitamins for reptiles), and just happened to read, in detail, the box of calcium. It is made of ground oyster shells! It is strange to think that Merlin, a rainforest animal, regularly eats seafood byproduct! Tee-hee.

Well, I am hungry again so I think I'll go get some sort of tasty tasty snack! MMM, I am excited just thinking about it... nachos sound par-tic-ularly good. Byeas!